Last Step of Mindfulness…Effectiveness

Effectiveness is the last step in our mindfulness chapter. This is putting into play all the other Mindfulness elements.

1. Observe

2. Describe

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3. Participate

4. Reserving Judgement

5. Mindful In the Moment

6. Effectiveness

Effectiveness is when you “focus on what works”. (handout 3)

We acknowledge what reality is, whether we like it or not, and do just what is needed in each moment.

Remember to stay in the current moment and not moments we would like to be in or that we should be in.

It is what it is. Now do what you can do in that moment.

If strong feelings try to come into that moment let them go..like a train going down a track. Don’t jump on the train.

Reserve your judgement anddon’t cut off your nose to spite your face by judging your own judging“.(handout 3)

Keep your eye on the ball and go for it.

 

Practice:

MINDFULNESS IN THE HERE AND NOW

 

~Wishing You Well My Friends

The Mindful Gatekeeper

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Reserving Judgement…Over Generalization

Over Generalization  is when a person sees a single negative event as a never-ending pattern.

If you have a date and it doesn’t work into a relationship you may say” I will never find the right person for myself..I will never get married”.

Or

This person is ignoring me. They always ignore me. I will never be heard“.

I didn’t get the job. I never get the job I want“.

In this case look at the facts then add a cheerleading statement behind it.

Okay so the date didn’t work out. I can always try again“.

Or

This person seems to be preoccupied. Maybe I can come back at another time and ask. It’ s great that I can see the truth here and let this moment just be what it is and not worry anymore”.

“So I didn’t get the job this time. But I am going to keep trying and eventually I know I will find a job I enjoy”.

~Wishing you well this day

The Mindful Gatekeeper

Reserving Judgement…Foretuneteller Error

This is a very universal distortion.

The fortune-teller error occurs when we negatively  pre-judge/predict  a situation before it happens.

” I just know that so and so is not going to like me”.

” I will never get that job”.

“Mark my words I will not pass that exam even after all the studying I have done”.

All these thoughts do is to upset your peace.

Try to look at the facts first to help ground you in the truth. The truth is something you must search for ,at times, with your Reasonable Mind. Identify your emotions and then take action like making a pros and cons list to help you see clearly.

~Wishing you well this day

The Mindful Gatekeeper

Reserving Judgement…Magnification/Minimization

This thinking error is when we increase or decrease the importance of an event.

Magnification is when we negatively exaggerate the weight of an occurance.

“If I make a mistake at work I may lose my job then I will lose my ability to pay for my car and house.” Everybody makes mistakes. Were all human. Sometimes we just have to do our best, take responsibility and believe we can learn from these occasions. Mistakes don’t have to be catastrophes.

Minimization happens when we do just the opposite. We understate the positive importance of an event.

“So what if I am getting an award for my hard work. It is no big deal to me..I don’t think I deserve it.” This is not being humble. It is downplaying something very important to your life. Learn to take credit where it is due. It is okay.

We are now down to just a few more thinking distortions that will be posted this week. Afterwards we will be moving onward with more Mindfulness.

~Wishing you well this day

The Mindful Gatekeeper

Reserving Judgement…Should Statements

Should Statements are an attempt to motivate ourselves by using guilt.

Guilt is a powerful emotion that can be hurtful when misused.

“She shouldn’t do that. She ought to do this instead”

“He must not do that. He should do this instead”

Should statements cause resentment and anger towards ourselves or towards others.

Remember in Mindfulness we see and don’t evaluate. We look at just the facts. We focus on the WHAT..not the “good” or “bad”, the “terrible” or “wonderful”, the “should” or “should not”. (Handout 3)

Unglue your opinions. Let the judgements go. Let them pass by like a train rolling down the track in front of you.

When you find yourself judging. DON’T JUDGE YOUR JUDGING. (Handout 3)

It is what it is and now you can relax.

~Wishing you well this day

The Mindful Gatekeeper

Reserving Judgement…Emotional Reasoning

Emotional Reasoning is when a person assumes that their negative emotions accurately reflect the truth of how things really are.

“I Feel this way, therefore it must be true.”

For instance:

I have housework to do and have feelings of disgust. My feelings of disgust overwhelm me and I believe that I must be a lazy person. I put off my housework which makes me feel even more disgust/laziness.

OR

I feel incapable so I must be an inadequate somehow.
I feel worthless so I must be a bad person somehow.
I feel guilty so I must be guilty somehow.

This type of thinking can be very depressing. But all just a distortion. We can find a better way..

Remember we must look at the whole picture before judging it truth. We must use grey type thinking. Describe the facts only through what you can see, hear etc…not through our emotional responses.

Act opposite to the emotion. Do the housework anyways no matter the feeling you get. Break it up into easy segments if you must. Just do it anyways.

If you feel worthless I just want to say that you’re not. You are a blessing even if you can’t see it. This is where counseling helps. Sometimes we have to unlearn our distortions…learning to recognize them and learning to replace them with positive action.  We need support to do this many times. Support is a strength.

We can talk more about acting opposite later on.

~Wishing you well this day

The Mindful Gatekeeper